My wife and I bring very different energies to parenting. 

My wife is an interventionist. If something is wrong, she wants to fix it. If our youngsters had rosy cheeks, she checked their temperature. If they skinned their knees, they needed an antiseptic and a bandage. If they looked sad, she wanted to know why. 

This energy is very helpful when kids are young, and their survival depends on your vigilance. They need you to solve problems for them. 

I, on the other hand, have a more laissez-faire parenting style. Scraped knee, rub some dirt in it. Hurt feelings, let’s wrestle. I don’t go looking for trouble. If trouble comes to me, I’m happy to help resolve it, but I tend to lean more on the child’s resilience and agency. 

This energy can be helpful when parenting young adults who don’t want your “help” anymore. 

In Nick Richtsmeier’s new book, The Damn Rules (Available today wherever books are sold), he describes these two parenting styles – He calls my wife’s style the Toddler Parent and my style the Teenager Parent. But it’s a business book, not a parenting book, so he uses these descriptions to characterize the energy we bring to our business development efforts, and I can’t stop thinking about it. 

Which one are you?

Now that you see this dichotomy, what kind of energy are you bringing to your clients and potential clients?

Do you hover over them, looking for any sign that they have a need and rushing in to fill it? Then when they do need you, does fulfilling that need fill you with a warm glow? 

Or are you more cool, waiting for them to come to you? It’s great to get the business, but you know they’ll likely leave again soon, so you find your joy and fulfillment elsewhere?

It’s not about you

Nick uses this illustration to drive home the point that we’re not in business to fulfill our own needs. If you run your business, work with clients, and sell to fulfill your own needs – for significance, love, attention, and belonging – your clients and potential clients will drag you by the nose wherever they want to take you. Our significance can’t depend on satisfied clients or our next big client win. 

There’s so much more wisdom in The Damn Rules; you should grab a copy for yourself, but after that, take a minute and see where you are looking to get your needs met: from your clients, from winning deals, or from your status as a leader? How could you meet those needs through hobbies, friends, and other non-monetized pursuits?