After a 5-hour flight, we were finally taxiing into the gate. There was a lot of excitement around me. I was headed to LA for training, but a large group of people nearby was headed to Hawaii. They had a tight connection to make the flight to their dream vacation, and they were gathering their things in preparation for a quick transition.

When the plane pulled into the gate, everyone jumped up, and the Hawaii crew politely asked if they could sneak in front.

Ten anxious minutes passed. The pilot came on, “The jet bridge isn’t working, and maintenance is on it. Just a few minutes’ delay.”

The Hawaii crew’s nervousness grew. They started strategizing, looking at airport maps, using their phones to estimate the walk time to their gate, and checking which other flights were available if they missed this one.

Then another announcement, “The maintenance crews can’t get the jet bridge working either, so we’re going to move to another gate…” This meant that everyone had to put their stuff back, sit back down, and commence high-speed worrying. Their plane was scheduled to leave in less than 10 minutes, and there’s no way they were going to make it. If they do make it, will their bags be on board or left in LA? Signs of panic started to appear.

Before it rose to a fever pitch, the pilot came on and said, “OK, the JAL flight next to us is pushing back, and we’ve got a tug that will pull us over there in just a few minutes.”

At this point, the Hawaii flight departure time in the app changed; it was delayed by 30 minutes. There was some relief, but still consternation. How long will it take to deplane? If we miss this flight, we’re losing a whole day in Hawaii!

We saw a JAL flight push back next to us, clearing our path. But our plane didn’t move. The pilot came back on, sounding a bit weary himself: “I don’t know what to tell you, folks, but the tug they brought us has a malfunction. They’re bringing a new one.”

Now the worry has turned into anger, and the discussion has shifted to the airline’s incompetence, how some people (meaning this group) can never catch a break, and someone even started talking about how the position of the stars was to blame.

Finally, we pull into the new gate and prepare to deplane. At that point, the pilot comes on and says, “I apologize for the delays and inconvenience. For those passengers bound for Hawaii, they are holding that flight for you.” (Why didn’t he say that 60 minutes ago?)

Watching the movie

This event was instructive to me. Because I wasn’t in a rush, I didn’t get activated by the situation, so I could observe it. It was like I was watching a movie instead of being in it.

As I analyzed the process, it went like this:

1. Loss of control: The goal they had invested so much time and money in wasn’t going as planned, leaving them feeling powerless.
2. Coping through Planning: To avoid the feeling of uncertainty, their brains went into overdrive. They tried to solve a problem in their heads that they couldn’t solve in the physical world.
3. Blaming as a Defense: When the planning didn’t work, they pivoted to anger. It’s a common strategy, but one that rarely improves the odds of getting what we want.

As an observer, I could see that all the strategizing, the frantic map-checking, and the anger had zero impact on the outcome. It was just a massive energy drain.

It’s important to note that there never was a problem. The plane was waiting for them.

I wonder how many times I do the same thing. How often am I getting stressed and “activated” about things that are entirely outside of my control–things that might not even be problems in the end?

If I stopped spending my energy on useless worry, I wonder what I could create with that extra capacity? I wonder what you could do with yours?

An invitation to awareness

If you want to explore this idea of “watching the movie” in your own life, I’d like to invite you to try an exercise my coach gave me. It has helped me stay in my right mind when things start to feel like a train wreck (or airline delay).

For the next week, before you dive into the business of your day, complete this sentence ten times:

“If I bring more awareness to my life today…”

Don’t overthink your answers; just write down whatever pops up. You’ll probably see some repetition, and that’s fine. At the end of the week, look back at your list and see what patterns emerge.

If you decide to try this, I’d love to hear what insights come up for you.