Lately, I’ve been living in more gratitude.

It could be that I’m reading less news, getting more coaching, and getting outside, but I’ve noticed it showing up everywhere: in my family, my work, my community, even the way my pets want to hang out with me.

Over that same time period, my business has been doing really well.

Which made me wonder: am I grateful because things are going well? Or are things going well because I’m grateful?

What your brain is doing without your permission
One of the most replicated findings in cognitive science is the negativity bias. Our brain treats bad news like it’s in 36-point bold and good news like it’s in 8-point italics. Threats can kill you; missing an opportunity usually won’t. So our brain notices what’s wrong before it notices what’s right — not because we’re pessimistic, but because that’s what kept our ancestors alive.

Gratitude overrides that wiring. It activates the prefrontal cortex — the part of our brain built for thinking and deciding — and quiets the older circuitry that just wants to keep us alive. Gratitude isn’t about feeling good. It’s a cognitive recalibration. It changes what we can see.

Which means it changes how we lead
A national survey found that 81% of people said they’d work harder for a grateful boss. The other side of that coin: 35% said their boss had never thanked them. Not rarely — never.

When I’m heads-down, pausing to tell someone “that presentation was tight — you gave us exactly what we needed to make a good decision” can feel like I’m rewarding them for just doing their job. And underneath that reaction is something I don’t want to admit: saying thank you means acknowledging that I needed them. For people like me who pride themselves on independence and self-sufficiency, that’s a quiet act of vulnerability that’s easy to skip.

When I do take the risk and make the time, I’m always sharper afterward — the neuroscience above explains why. And the person I quietly worried would slack off if I encouraged them? They almost always work harder.

Want to try an experiment?
Every day this week, find one person and tell them something specific: what they did, and why it mattered. Not “great job” — something like: “The way you handled that client pushback — you stayed calm and gave them a real answer — that’s what keeps people trusting us.”

Then notice what happens to you in the hour after, and them over the next few days.

I suspect the question I started with — am I grateful because things are going well, or are things going well because I’m grateful? — might start to answer itself.