Self-esteem is like a difficult-to-cultivate flower. It requires frequent nurturing that occurs when you keep your word and follow through on your promises.

Derrick Bell

This year, I’ve been on a journey to become more impeccable with my word.

When I commit to being somewhere, doing something for someone, or following up, I’m more rigorous about entering those things into my calendar or to-do system so that I will be more reliable for the people around me. I want to build trust with the people I care most about, and keeping my word is an essential part of that.

But this endeavor had a side effect that I didn’t expect.

As I was working to keep my word to other people more reliably, I found that the person I was most often disappointing was myself.

What do you mean by “Keeping your word to yourself?”

I regularly had situations where I made commitments to myself, such as scheduling some time to myself to read a book, choosing to eat like a responsible adult, or doing regular exercise. Still, when the time came to do that thing, I didn’t do it.

When the moment arrived, I wouldn’t feel like it or something else came up that seemed more important.

I was particularly willing to give up my commitments to myself when I thought that following through with them would disappoint other people or cause them stress.

Creating distress within myself to maintain peace with the people around me sounds crazy when you write it down, but that’s what I was doing!

I mean, what’s wrong with disappointing myself? It might be uncomfortable if I let myself down, but I’m the only one who pays the price, right?

The price was higher than I expected.

If I don’t trust myself to take care of my own needs, then when I get a chance to have them met, I go hog wild! When I ignore my needs, I get short and grouchy or find ways to get my needs met dishonestly. None of this builds trust with those around me!

When I don’t keep my word, I have to set up complicated reminder systems and consequences to motivate me to do the things that keep me at my best.

On the other hand, when I keep my commitments to myself. I trust myself more. I don’t have to set up complex systems to be confident I will complete a critical task. I don’t have to binge on things I want or like because I know I can have them again later.

When I take my commitments more seriously, I’m more selective about what I commit to. I don’t find myself going to events that I don’t want to attend or engaging in activities that don’t give me life.

Keeping my word to myself has meant respecting and trusting myself in a way I didn’t before. It’s made me see myself as more valuable and worthy. It turns out that this is also a great way to build trust with those I love the most.

What are some places where you are being untrustworthy to yourself? Are there places where you’re out of integrity with your commitments to yourself? What would it mean to hold those commitments?